Most people always have problems with not being enough for their parents concerning grades, sports, jobs, school, ect. But that’s not my problem. I’m not enough for myself. I have immense expectations for my future and school and sports that I work so hard towards but I can’t fulfill them no matter how hard I try. Why must I try so hard and expect so much from myself it’s killing me.

At this point in time I’m considering quitting soccer and pole vaulting because all they do to me now is kill my self esteem and make me feel like shit. I’m not good enough for this damn advanced pool and I’m so hard on myself and by the end of practice I’m sad and down and depressed. 

This season in track killed my love for Pole Vaulting and flying through the air and doing what I thought I loved. The season started off great but soon I just go behind everyone else even though I showed up to all practices. Then I started shot putting which made me happy, but didn’t help my PV situation at all. I broke during the meet against Irvington where I had to stitch my soul back together in the middle of the meet. Since that moment I have been seriously doubting my athletic skills and my realizations that I’m just mediocre. 

Now I’m so tired of the pressure I put on myself for sports and I can’t stand it anymore. So that’s why I let it all go today through tears. I just needed to cry because I can’t stand the fact that although I have dreams of being great, I’m just…. mediocre.

(via paintonthecanvas)